When he speaks plain truth to himself, not often that is,
He whisper-tells that when he twists door handles, enters,
Rooms chill into icy, stony-silent, thin air.
But his deliberate shuffle awakens low-register murmurs,
Piercing, hot hissed hums.
Air full, no, fat.
Like him.
44 word quadrille for today’s dVerse Pub
Love love LOVE this:
“Air full, no, fat.”
You snuck SO many past words in here, too! Love it! “Whisper-tells” is my favorite.
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I love this line: “Piercing, hot hissed hums.”
This scares me. I think it’s about a child molester.
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Oh, dear. I didn’t mean to scare. It’s about a very, very heavy man whenever he goes out in public and the reaction he elicits. I was thinking about heart murmurs and heart beats and life and how we take moving about (and disappearing) in the world for granted.I was trying to get at how a reaction of murmuring can be as painful as loud roars.
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Love “whisper-tells”.
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You know, I thought for a minute it was about the cold, and (weird as it seems), a radiator humming and warming up the room again.
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When he speaks plain truth, not often that is… I like that, and the fat air, like him, and the murmuring that follows
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This Quadrille has a great shape for its content. I love the sibilance in the first stanza, which creates a chilly tone, and the phrases: ‘whisper-tells’ and ‘Air full, no, fat’. Somehow I picture a very tall, thin man, like Slenderman, a little creepy.
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Good contrast of the chill of the room and the hot-hissed hums.
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What a scene. Love your last line, too. Such economy of words. 🙂
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Imelda, such a nice comment, thank you!
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You’re welcome. 🙂
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What an excellent description… to me the man has a secret that he carries as a suit to intimidate people… that silence is most chilling.
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Thanks so much for your comments, Björn. I love the way you’ve framed your interpretation!
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the murmur of fat shaming – some lovely verbs to accompany the movement of the fat man
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Thank you, Laura, for your comments. I appreciate that you understood the theme as I’ not certain I was as specific as I should have been. Thanks again :))
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I must say this is incredibly powerful! The tone and the images both describe the man and his personality. I can picture “his deliberate shuffle” and how it “awakens low-register murmurs.” Beautifully executed.
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Thank you, Sana, for your generous comments. Really appreciate your thoughts.
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Delightful wordery. I’m not sure that’s actually a word…but it should be 😉
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Wordery should most definitely be an actual word. Thanks so much for the comment :))
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Got the sense of a person being rejected by society but couldn’t tell why until I read your comment. Have you heard of Roxanne Gay? An obese woman activist.
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Yes, definitely have heard of Roxanne Gay though I haven’t read any of her writing. Thanks so much for reading and commenting, Petru.
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Whisper-tells
Stony silent thin air
Air full. Not fat.
Great juxtaposition of words!
And the hissssssing too!
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Lovely comments, thank you, Lillian :))
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Nice take on murmur! That silence that is so full of judgement.
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Ouch. A beautifully understated snapshot of how viciously those “piercing, hot hissed hums” can slice into a person. I love the sly insight of “not often that is,” and I can feel the heart-sinking anticipation of walking into those rooms and their “icy, stony-silent, thin air.” As I said, ouch.
Beautiful, Jo. You’re going into those dark, honest places, and it’s so powerful.
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