When he speaks plain truth to himself, not often that is,
He whisper-tells that when he twists door handles, enters,
Rooms chill into icy, stony-silent, thin air.

But his deliberate shuffle awakens low-register murmurs,
Piercing, hot hissed hums.
Air full, no, fat.
Like him.

44 word quadrille for today’s dVerse Pub

25 thoughts on “Murmurs

    1. Oh, dear. I didn’t mean to scare. It’s about a very, very heavy man whenever he goes out in public and the reaction he elicits. I was thinking about heart murmurs and heart beats and life and how we take moving about (and disappearing) in the world for granted.I was trying to get at how a reaction of murmuring can be as painful as loud roars.

  1. This Quadrille has a great shape for its content. I love the sibilance in the first stanza, which creates a chilly tone, and the phrases: ‘whisper-tells’ and ‘Air full, no, fat’. Somehow I picture a very tall, thin man, like Slenderman, a little creepy.

  2. I must say this is incredibly powerful! The tone and the images both describe the man and his personality. I can picture “his deliberate shuffle” and how it “awakens low-register murmurs.” Beautifully executed.

  3. Ouch. A beautifully understated snapshot of how viciously those “piercing, hot hissed hums” can slice into a person. I love the sly insight of “not often that is,” and I can feel the heart-sinking anticipation of walking into those rooms and their “icy, stony-silent, thin air.” As I said, ouch.

    Beautiful, Jo. You’re going into those dark, honest places, and it’s so powerful.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s