Hot gravel blisters bubble under her big toe,
Twists and hops, remembered hurt in every step,
Sharp stone, dirty path winds ever farther.
Juke joint music rides the dry summer air,
Stifling heat crests, then cools, stereo snaps silent.
“She left hours ago, man.”
I can smell that stifling dry summer heat. The hint of remembered hurt in every step is sharp.
Jo-anne, so lovely to read you. Thanks for joining in.
Thank you, Grace, for being ever true to your beautiful name.
Your alliteration and internal rhyme are excellent. Great ear for the music of poetry.
My favourite part of writing poetry and short fiction is finding a cadence that suits the piece. Thank you for commenting.
nice. i like the repeated consonant sounds in linked words. It gives it a current. Also the details you choose to include really bring to life the heat and grit. Leaving home is no small matter, but sometimes perhaps necessary. I ran away once, a long time ago. It can be a very hard life. Your verse makes me want to know more.
Hello Brian, thank you. A current is exactly what I was trying for. My favourite poetry and short fiction has a rise and fall – like the sound being carried in the wind. And yes, I certainly agree. Running away can be a very hard life. But when it is seen as the only option, it can be freeing; taking steps towards the future.
As always, you’re the master of packing volumes into the tiniest trunk and of merging imagery with emotion. This is beautiful, Jo. Beautiful, haunting, pared to the bone, building tension from the opening line. Just yummy!
seems like she had to leave to find her own way – nicely woven
I really like the rhythm and flow. Feels like a whole story in just 44 words.
yeah – I totally agree with this: I feel as if this is a short story!
❤
David
Ouch. That path looks painful. I can SEE the blister. I like the closing line – unexpected and intriguing.
The image combined with your stirring poem resonate!
This is such a vivid portrayal of ache and life’s trials, tribulations. Stellar write 💝💝
I can feel it when I read it. Well composed.
I feel that she had a very good reason to leave if that was the path she was heading… I feel like she’s fleeing from abuse.